[Philosophy] Can’t find the brakes on the Runaway Tran….

At some point I’m going to stop apologising at the start of these blogs; I’ve been busy work wise and also had some very interesting ups and downs when it comes to dear Sarah, hence my lack of posts. Also, it’s starting to come into summer over here and so I’ve been kicking the tyres on the bike (translation, doing too many miles and wondering why various bits of my body, already sore and on the edge of breaking are, well, breaking).

Anyway, it’s been another interesting couple of weeks in the on-going battle internally between her, fuelled by a roller-coaster of hormones (yes, I’m still tinkering), and him, who has been feeling alternately wretched and full of the joys of Spring; maybe there is something to this bi-polar stuff, or rather tri-polar as she has a completely different set of emotions, worries, loves and drives than him.

Yeah, it’s going to be one of *those* posts, so stick with me, or just look at the pictures and captions as I’ll put lots in to cheer up the whole thing.

Pictured – it’s going to be a Russian Roulette set of pictures today, just flicking the mouse pad and seeing what I land on.

So last Wednesday I was in London for, of all things, an Xmas do. Due to Covid and other things my team hasn’t had an Xmas do in three years, and rather than wait for the inevitable and over-busy period at the end of the year we decided to have one early in the year.

Actually, wind that back a little. The story actually starts on Monday; I was in Bristol for some cool work (with robots) and went out drinking with a colleague who is trans. She’s very sweet and a great person to go drinking with, but she’s currently on the wagon due to excesses that sound very similar to my behaviours. Anyway, her partner came along and we got talking about just how Bristol has changed – when I was growing up there in the 70s and 80s it was rampantly homophobic and racist; now it’s delightfully gentrified and somehow not my Bristol. With my internal struggles it was a little poignant and sad to realise that the person I am now, regardless of what gender I am at any moment, is not the person I was when I was a Bristolian. If Bristol had been the way it is now then, I would be a much different person.

Pictured – with a different sense of fashion, at least…

So fast forward to Wednesday; copious amounts of alcohol were consumed (and yes, I have a drinking problem of sorts; I have social anxiety which is probably/definitely down to the whole gender confuddlement) and we ended up in a very lud and shouty cocktail pub at 2:00am. The conversation got onto trans and the people I was with were painfully ignorant of the hassles trans people have, regardless of where they are on the (massive) spectrum .

And it was of those moments where my mind went quiet. Should I engage with the conversation and put on the macho-crap disguise, chortling at the discussions about hairy men in dresses using the ladies? Should I hell.

Pictured – it’s not like I have anything to hide. Oh wait.

Long story short I brought the conversation to a stunning halt using only four words.

“You realise I’m trans?”

Yes, I was drunk but wow, cathartic doesn’t begin to describe how that felt. Dumbfounded is a good word for their faces.

Pictured – yeah, it was a ‘mic drop’ moment

And then something lovely happened, and normally I hesitate to use that word when describing a bunch of drunken idiots in a bar clutching expensive pints of Mojito, but it was a perfect word.

They were completely understanding. And that almost made me speechless. None of the hatred, anger, disgust I have expected my entire life. Just genuine interest, in why, how, what. Respectful questions, warm tones.

Hellfire, I didn’t expect that. Cue lots of showing of pictures off of my phone, cue lots of utter amazement (granted, it takes a lot of makeup and a gifted makeup artist to make Sarah shine but still) at the massive difference between him and her.

Pictured – I didn’t show this kind of picture because I didn’t want to blow their minds. Yet.

And then something else that I didn’t think would happen in a thousand years.

“We want to go out drinking with Sarah. She seems a lot more fun than you.”

I’ll take that as a complement.

Thursday morning I woke up with a hangover, obviously, but no guilt for the first time that I can remember. All of my fears about revealing her to people I work with just evaporated. And, give my friends their due, the trans-ignorant discussions weren’t cruel, just misinformed.

Pictured – imagine that face sans makeup and that was kind of my reaction. And then theirs.

Only downside is we are coming into Summer, which is when I hibernate Sarah – doing makeover sessions in 30+C isn’t fun at all; men sweat, women perspire and cross-dressers aren’t allowed to do either in case the mascara runs. I do have a couple of sessions in the diary though, otherwise I’d be climbing the walls. Which is hard in heels.

Stay beautiful and occasionally surprise yourself. It’s terrifying and fun.

Pictured – terrifying and a lot of fun….

8 thoughts on “[Philosophy] Can’t find the brakes on the Runaway Tran….

  1. That’s amazing news about your friends’ acceptance of you. As much as there’s the s###e in the press about us, there seems a massive gulf between that bile and the reality of kind people.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! In many respects, your friends’ acceptance is unsurprising; as the previous commenter said, most of the negativity is the creation of the media and the so called activists. Nearly everyone else has far more important things to worry about !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A great post with great pics especially the one you didn’t share with them! It is nice to see you write again. Your posts are always thoroughly entertaining from start to finish and very engaging throughout.

    I’m thrilled for you and the greater battle to read that en-masse group bravado wasn’t allowed to pollute the moment and it was in fact, quite the opposite.

    It does restore your faith in society just a little.

    F. x

    Liked by 1 person

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