transretrogurl

Ahh, a new year, a new period to be silly. In the Real World(tm) I decided that, against the physio’s advice and due to my blunt ignorance, I’d do a running challenge to start the year; running 26.2 miles during January for Prostate Cancer Research. Now, if you follow this blog, you’ll know I’ve done a daft amount of damage to my body in the pursuit of trying to stay healthy. In 2021 I exercised (running, walking and cycling) a grand and scary total of 1430 miles, and the output of that was a damaged back, no feeling in the left foot, and a whopping Morton’s Neuroma in the right foot which flips between making the foot feel like it’s on fire and then making it feel like it’s been wired to a battery. basically I can’t walk more than half a mile before the foot sends out alarm bells.

So the idea of running 26.2 miles during the month of January was a little daft. I managed it in 12 days, four sessions with rest periods. And what has this to do with, you know, frills and frocks? Well, I managed to squeeze in a two day session right in the middle of the exercising and rest periods. In addition I accidentally ran 28 miles instead of 26.2 and raised upwards of £300 pounds. Rest of the month will be a rest period (although I’m already considering doing a 5k tomorrow with the moaning muscles – screw you body, I’m the boss).

Anyway, with that daft and off-the-wall introduction completed, an explanation of the title. I decided to do something different with this session; drive down to London in the day time, park up, find the hotel, then off to Cinder’s for a four hour ‘normal’ session. Then a night of rest in the hotel, then a normal insane 10 hour retro glam (with the full CSLs, and yes, I know that’s rude but a good definition). Plan was to tone down the makeup and see what day-to-day Sarah would look like.

Course, it didn’t quite work out like that because I took three outfits and offered Cinders a ‘dealer’s choice’, and she blew me away with her selection of clothes and looks; not quite normal but scarily realistic as a desperate Cougar on the pull for a man. But more of that later.

So the three outfits I brought for the ‘normal’ session were a lovely little floral dress from Amazon that I’ve worn a number of times, a very floral and ‘mumsy’ Collectif shirt dress (again worn a number of times) and my ‘Holly Willoughby’ animal print M&S shirt dress, which is rapidly becoming the goto look when I want to look femm and feel a million bucks.

The makeup process was quicker; a different type of foundation, not so heavy on the shading, toned down eyes, smaller lashes and no sign of the patented Sarah Lewis over-sized (CS)lips.

And it was wonderful. I felt fresh and rejuvenated; I’d actually been feeling a bit physically down over Xmas (hence the urge to do some insane exercise to prove I still could) and I wasn’t that good in terms of mental position either. I won’t go into too many details but I’d tried upping the dosage of Estrogen to 2mg a day, and switched from gel to tablet, and after three weeks of that I was having some odd (yet somewhat amusing) issues.

For a start I felt like a bitchy, angry teenaged girl most of the time. Which, given the fact I’m a biological 52 year old male, was something new. Massive drop off in the old male anger/sex drive, the odd sensation that I mentioned before of watching television and rating the male stars in terms of attractiveness (and that was very strange; it’s amazing what the chemical wiring is like in your head when you flood it with stuff telling your body to be female not male). So I stopped the hormones for a bit, ostensively to stop the muscle wastage before the exercise, but also to see just how much of the odd thoughts was chemical and how much was, well, there all the time and just suppressed by the years of pretending to be macho.

As of today, two days after finishing the marathon run, I’m back on the 2mg for a bit. Feeling like a teenage girl going through puberty is oddly entertaining.

Anyway, I digressed. So, we did a lovely look with what I now call the ‘Shelley Long’ dress. It’s a knee length floral mumsy frock that is a lot of fun to wear, partly because the fabric generates a lot of static cling and when you walk, in tights, it’s constantly trying to get in you. It’s like being casually molested by a ghost made of fabric. The temperature was mad during the session, what with a cold snap coming in, so we took some pictures outside in the sub-zero temperatures and as I stood there in a thin dress doing my usual cute poses I was very, very aware how little protection a dress gives you from the elements. I was very much tucked (and since starting messing about with hormones the stuff down there has definitely shrunk) but with the icy wind whistling between my legs it all got very small which was a delightful odd yet fun sensation.

Second outfit was the floral shirt-dress from Collectif. I love the pattern on this, and combined with the big buttons and almost 1970’s style collar it’s a very fun dress to be in. We did some great shots in various places and, although we were rushing a little because of the shortened nature of the session, I was sorely tempted to just stay in the outfit. Even to walk back to the hotel in it, but of course that was way too scary (plus I told myself it was just a little too chilly to walk a mile in heels and tights).

We did some quick ones with the M&S frock but Cinders had a new outfit she desperately wanted me to try; as per usual it was way too small (a size 10 I think) but when I saw it I couldn’t say no. It was one of those dresses you see American Cougars in; animal print, figure hugging, button up so you can leave just one too many buttons undone to drive the men wild.

Cinders did her magic; tonnes of chunky jewellery, fiery red hair to match her personality, metal heeled f*ck me shoes, the works. We started to take some photos and it was just apparent that this outfit was delightfully ‘something else’. I felt like one of those vapid, man-eating Wives you see on the daytime television programs from the states and, dare I say it, I looked like one as well. Proper Cougar/MILF territory.

And that was it; a wonderful quick four hour interlude with a radical change of makeup look, and I think it worked delightfully. Of course, the next day it was ‘GIVE ME MY CSLs!’ but that’s for another blog…..

Stay beautiful and occasionally try something outside of your comfort zone. You might like it, and if you don’t try you’ll never know.