transretrogurl

So, some news, some good, some bad. After a very long period of avoiding medication I’m on anti-depressants; going to be honest, my mood has been terrible the last six months for various reasons (looking at you Putin, amongst many others) and I’d reached a point where none of my coping mechanisms were helping (alcohol was touching it but alcohol messes up a lot of other things) and it was starting to have a real effect on my physical and mental health, so, et voila, on a fun little pill called Citalopram which is starting to make me feel happier, although it has, err, given me ‘issues’ with the toilet. Which was not a huge amount of fun last week when in Dublin for four days work. Having to be within twenty feet of a toilet at all times doesn’t make four hour briefings to technical customers that much fun. Let’s just say I did a lot of muscle training involving clenching……

Pictured – like this, only more drab and more urgent

Anyway, enough of that (she says, having lost half her audience). Let’s talk housewives. If you’re a constant reader (and if so, I love you) you’ll know I have a little thing about the housewife life/culture/fashion. Well, little thing doesn’t come close to describing it, it’s pretty much my goto fetish; half of it is down to the clothes (which are divine and unusually not that popular amongst cross-dressers) and half of it is down to a fun blend of emasculation, submissiveness and delicious role-play opportunity. It is so diametrically opposed to my entire drab life that it is just a joy to completely throw myself into the role.

Pictured – my tastes may be odd and different to most, cough, men, but I find this look delightfully sexy

And oddly enough I love cleaning and cooking. I actually find cleaning very therapeutic in drab life, and lately, the last 5 or so years, I’ve really got into cooking; prior to that I was literally still operating on student mode, open a tin, heat contents, scarf contents. Now I’m growing my own herbs, I understand what an oven is (microwaves were my weapon of choice) and, gasp, I enjoy the process of all things house-keepy.

I don’t get to dress at home; I have a tacit understanding with my partner which goes ‘I love to dress’ and ‘don’t do it here or in front of me’. To keep things civil I follow those rules, begrudgingly to be honest lately, but it helps in a way because it makes the experience of dressing a lot more precious.

I’ve said it before and I completely get it, but if you do the same thing every day, in and out, the glamour and fun fades. A part of me would love to be able to get up in the morning and go ‘today is going to be a 1950’s housedress and petticoat day’, but I know that if I had access to do it whenever I wanted I’d binge and lose interest very quickly. It’s one of the reasons I slowed down on my sessions; at one point I was doing it every two weeks and it became a compulsion rather than an enjoyment. If you drink champagne everyday it ends up ‘normal’ and your tastes adjust.

I digress; my partner went away on holidays about a month back and I had the spur of the moment idea to just have a day as Sarah; I applied my own makeup (badly but when I looked in the mirror I saw a middle-aged woman), put on a swirly 50’s frock, petticoat, sensible shoes, wig, squirt or five or perfume and then decided to clean the house. It was wonderful. Working a vacuum and feeling the petticoat swaying around my legs, that wonderful feeling when you bend down and your skirt flares out, the sound of my (low) heels clicking on the kitchen floor, it was just thrilling. And unlike previous attempts where I panic after about 30 minutes, scrub off all the stuff and go back to a t-shirt and PJ bottoms, I stayed in the outfit. I cooked a couple of meals, froze them, busying myself in the kitchen, catching sight occasionally of myself in the window or door (my kitchen has glass full doors on two walls, meaning you are in a fishbowl and that was thrilling as well. It was delightful and only when my ankles started to hurt, and I’d run out of stuff to cook, did I decide to undress and go back to male mode.

Pictured – no pictures from the day as my makeup was, well, amateurish but this was my ‘day as a housewife’ outfit

I also stepped out of the house in, gasp, the daylight. I walked, quickly to be honest, down to the herb garden and picked some garlic, and to be out in the sunshine with the wind whipping around my tights and, wahey, up my skirt and petticoat was another dimension of experience.

But anyway, that isn’t the point of this little post – I just thought I’d share how much fun that was. I took the risk of being seen, and in the old days that would have terrified me, but I think I’ve reached the point where my bruised masculine pride has given up and gone off to sulk. And I spent a day being ‘Mrs.’ and it was wonderful.

So, I started posting some comparative pictures to Flickr for a laugh – I picked eras and put up what I thought were nice ‘housewife’ looks from one era to the next, 1940s all the way through to modern day. And I liked them so much I thought I’d share them here with a little explanation of the choice of each of the outfits. So strap yourselves in and we’ll jump in the time machine back to where men were misogynists and women were medicated. Which given my current state seems a little apt, although unlike the majority of American women in the 50s I’m more than happy to be the stay-at-home wife in petticoats without ‘mother’s little helpers’.

1: The 1940s to the 1950s

So the 1940’s look here is a gorgeous authentic blouse and skirt from The House of Foxy. The skirt is actually woollen so it’s very heavy, button at the side rather than zipped (and, blush, I’d lost weight so it was entertaining to try and stop it sliding down around my ankles. Comfy 40s shoes, and I love the style of sleeve on that blouse. For the 50s I found a lovely (and cheap) frock on Amazon; combined it with a full petticoat and perfected it with the apron. The apron is a lot of fun to wear because it pulls you in tight, and the petticoat flares out, giving a lovely shape. I also love the sleeveless dresses, bare shoulders feel so exposed. The wig for the 50s was from the brilliant Etsy store ‘Wig in the City’ – I would highly recommend Chris there but don’t overload him with work as I want some more from him….

2: The 1950s to the 1960s

Again, my favourite 1950’s wig and a lovely frock from Collectif Clothing. It’s not advertised as being 50s, but, again, add an apron and a petticoat and it is so ‘darling’ it just works. I did a lot of shots in the kitchen at Cindy’s with this look because I felt 100% mumsy. For the 60s again a cheap Amazon frock which worked a treat, plus matching stilettos and earrings (a nice touch) and a full beehive. Complete giggle.

3: The 1960s to the 1970s

Proper 1960s minidress there – I found a fantastic online shop call The Carnaby Streak that make the dresses on demand; I bought two, this one and a lovely Peter Pan Collar yellow number (which I showed in the last post). I bought some white tights specifically for this outfit, which combined with some Mary Jane shoes just worked a treat. Again, full beehive and some plastic-fantastic earrings and the look was delightful. Only real issue is that I couldn’t really pose sitting down as you would get a full Basic Instinct moment as the skirt, which was dangerously close to my waist, hiked right up. Of course, I was wearing knickers (M&S white panties) but still, a girl has to have some decency. For the 1970s I had a wonderful frcok from Joanie Clothing – part of their Dawn O’Porter range. Now I’m in two minds about Maxi dresses; they work for me because, you know, abnormally tall for a girl, but for some reason they always seem to add a number of pounds. With this look we went for a proper 1970s mumsy hairstyle and it framed my face but made me look a little plump, which is a nice look for a 70s mum/housewife. Whenever I post pictures from this set someone always says Abigail’s Party, and they are not wrong.

4: The 1970s to the 1980s

Ooo, now we are getting into the territory where I was actually there (and can remember, just about) the styles and fashions of housewives/mums (in the 80s). For the 70s look I chose a miniskirt and classic 70s style and colour blouse from The Hippie Shake. That collar type and large sleeves were very trendy towards the end of the 70s and the outfit had a real England 1976/Watney’s Red Barrel feel to it (if you were there, you know what I’m saying). For the 80s I chose a lovely modern dress from M&S that has a real 1980s feel to it; that long style was very prevalent in the mid to late 80s ‘middle class’ housewife/mum community. A little Princess Diana-esque.

5: The 1980s to the 1990s

The 80s frock was yet another Amazon find; that collar was very much a staple of Laura Ashley dresses in the 80s, which a lot of trendy mums wore. For the 90s I went, again, with an Amazon find but this time. a really mumsy look with ruffled sleeves. Went for a ‘tidy’ housewife hairstyle again, short enough to not get into the food, long enough for husband to run his hands through.

6: The 1990s to the 2000s

So, for the 90s here I went for a posh mum look. It’s actually a dress with a belt added; felt a bit ‘mother of the bride’ but has the right length and figure-hugging aspect of a lot of 90s dresses. For the 2000s I went, gasp, for trousers (!!!). I really don’t go for trousers while cross-dressing, it normally feels too close to my drab persona, but these leggings, which were so popular in the 2000s, were just adorable, even if they ably assisted with tucking (let’s just say everything is forced up and leave it at that). It’s actually a single pant-suit, which makes it even harder to get in; again, at ‘long tall Sally’ levels of height I’m pushing the limit when squeezing into size 12 women’s outfits.

7: The 2010s to Now

Two of the cutest looks I’ve done, in my opinion. I love the leggings and top in the 2010 housewife look; it’s the kind of look I reckon I could get away with going out in, maybe off for a coffee with the girls or a trip to a museum. For the modern look I went for one of those modern M&S shirt dresses that have a retro feel to them. The animal print is a little sexy, which offsets the obvious ‘married with children’ style nicely.

So that was a whirlwind tour through (my idea of) the fashions of housewives through the decades. Not bad for a 54 year old man, she says modestly….

Stay beautiful and remember to indulge yourselves, you’re only here once….

Pictured – and occasionally play the inner slut if you need to. It’s liberating.