Firstly, I’m just back home after another trek into London where I had a long session yesterday, May 16th, at the sublime Boys Will Be Girls, which is what this blog post will be all about – lots of lovely pictures and chats about the different looks we did (huge amount of gorgeous retro styles). Secondly – G.A.D….
I’ve been unwell for a couple of months now, a number of stomach symptoms that have not been a lot of fun, but haven’t been anything more than really annoying (change of bowel habits, stomach aches when eating, feeling of anxiety, muscle pain, the works). I had a consult with a gastro specialist on the day before the day before the session and this isn’t interesting at all, or femm fashiony. But bear with me as it makes sense – as a result of the gastro consult (he reckoned it was almost certainly IBS) he referred me for a clinical psychology consult.
The night before the session I found myself lying on the hotel bed, naked, freshly shaved so everything felt cold and odd, talking for sixty minutes to a psychologist to try and assess what is going on my head (along with Sarah and her flat which maybe be part of the overall problem going on in there). Turns out I most likely have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Not depression, which is a good thing. But GAD makes you anxious all of the time, you obsess about everything (you know, like planning for a Sarah session and worrying intensely about every aspect of it…. sound familiar?).
So, like most mid-life crisis-ers, looks like I’m going to be in therapy which, given the content of this blog and my wardrobe, may be……interesting.
Anyway, finished that consult, went to bed (trying to ignore the throbbing in the stomach), woke up at 5:00am on the 16th, obsessed about how to get to the session, what I would do, whether I’d go with the plan I had which was to do some retro looks then hop in a taxi, completely enfemme, head back to the hotel and do some shoots in their.
Nah, that was never going to happen. For a start, anxiety. Plus the hotel room, which was meant to be an apartment, ended up being a ‘studio’ apartment which meant it was a single room, not much space to swish around in petticoats. Plus it was on the fifth floor, and the lift at the hotel was very small – I imagined myself rocking up to the front door of the hotel in a taxi, fully made-up and wearing a floral retro frock, then ending up in the lift with a set of German tourists, all looking at the 6ft5in in heels queen wearing her floral 1940s frock and trying to crawl into her own shadow. As I said, nah, never going to happen.
So, having decided that I’d spend the entire session in the sanctuary of Cindy’s studio, and having received an initial possible diagnosis of IBS (which was *way* better than what Google said I was dying of) and setting up some proper mental therapy to try and get the head somewhere near safe (and to be honest, my gut feeling is more Sarah when I start to relax and sort out the oodles of stress rather than less; she feels like the best part of me) I found myself, gasp, actually looking forward to a day of dresses, perfume and make-up.
And it was joyous. Sure, I was tired, but interestingly didn’t feel any of the symptoms of the IBS, other than having to change one pose where I was lying on my side and the corset was pulling into the bits of the GI tract than have been moaning for a month or two. And the looks were just so gorgeous. I started with a couple of wonderful retro outfits, then, when my 1940s/1950s urges had been satisfied (and how) I let Cindy loose with her ‘dealer’s choice’ for a couple of looks and she did not let me down. She never does, but these looks were……..amazing. Anyway, enough mumbling, let’s get down to the looks……
1: Sarah’s ultimate summer frock – Vivien of Holloway Pink Freesia Grace dress
Pictured – bit of a spoiler for the forthcoming little paragraph, but Sarah fit into the size 18 Pink Freesia Grace frock. See, as bad as someone talking about the end of Avengers:Endgame or Game of Thrones….
So, we started with this gorgeous little number. The day before, Wednesday, I’d jumped on the tube after checking into my hotel around 16:00, changed tube lines three times (bit fiddly) and eventually ended up on Holloway Road. It was warm and I was sweating a bit, partly because of the heat but mostly because even now, after all the escapades and fun stuff Sarah has done, I’m still terrified for reason that escape me whenever I do anything, you know, feminine. So, drab me, still yet to shave the stubble from various parts of my body, walked into Vivien of Holloway’s shop again.
This time I wasn’t alone. An older woman was looking at the shelves and asking the single staff member questions, so I stood around looking very out of place, which is wonderfully ironic given the number of Viv frocks I’ve bought and modelled, until the sales-staff was free. She was really friendly; we swapped stories of the heat and the fact we both come from/live around the Welsh border, before I mentioned that ‘I always pick up a present for my wife when in London’. Well, it’s almost true; when I’m done with most of the frocks and won’t wear them again my other half sells them. But anyway, using that excuse I mentioned she had said something about a Grace dress, while Sarah gleefully rubbed her nail-adorned hands deep in the pink flat within my head.
Pictured – this is how Sarah saw herself. Which was lucky, because this is *me* making Sarah very happy
Now here’s where I made a little mistake. I’ve been losing a bit of weight at the moment, due to silly eating habits and ridiculous exercise. When I started wearing Viv frocks I was a size 22 – the first frock I bought for Sarah, even though back then Sarah was Julie, then Debbie, was a size 22 black Grace with white polkadots. I also bought a yellow and green floral Grace when I started doing the Cindy sessions, again 22. Recently I’ve been fitting into size 18 and, gasp, occasionally a 16, but always in dresses that had a bit (hint, a *lot*) of stretch. So, when the nice sales-person asked what size ‘my wife’ was I said ‘a large 18’.
Ten minutes later I’m walking out of the shop with another Viv tote bag, not the best thing to be riding the tube with at rush hour, but this time I had a lovely pink freesia size 18 Grace frock in it.
So, back to hotel I went, had a shower, and before the consult phone call about the GAD I thought I’d try the frock on. Amazingly, given I wasn’t wearing a corset, it fit. Snuggly, but looking in the mirror and ignoring the stubble and lack of boobs it actually gave me, gasp, almost a feminine figure.
Later on that evening, after I’d shaved and done the phone-call, I decided to have a trial run for the outfits I’d bought for the next day. So I put a pair of very nice stockings on, my girdle, my bum-pads, my bra with detachable breast forms and a nice pair of black heels. I tried each outfit and they all fit wonderfully.
And then I tried the Grace again.
Not a chance in hell. The zip wouldn’t even pretend to do up past the bra strap.
Pictured – spoiler, it fit. Sarah loved it. The End. 😉
So I took all the clothes and props off, went to bed convinced that the lovely frock I’d treated Sarah to was a blowout. Woke up the next day, lots of anxiety as there always is before a session, showered, packed my VERY heavy rucksack with all my outfits and femm bits, and headed, via a taxi to Cindy’s.
After twenty minutes of moaning about my IBS issues and promising not to moan about them any more we started the transformation. Cindy did her usual expert job with a couple of new and very fun new things. Firstly, she gave me a facelift. Cue lots of self-deprecating jokes about how I’m getting older (from me) while she attached tape to each side of my face and pulled tight. Wow. Hurt like hell initially but the result was astounding. She then wrapped a load of tape around my head, very securely tying the wig cap down, before she did my nails and we started the dressing up.
And here’s where it got fun. I had decided the Grace would be the first frock, but I realised that my usual approach to getting almost an hourglass figure wouldn’t work. Given the dress wouldn’t zip up the night before I suggested that we try it, gasp, without the corset.
Now I’m convinced I’m fat. Yeah, I know it’s potentially another string in my feminine mannerisms, but regardless of how many people tell me I’ve lost weight I’m utterly convinced that, without a corset, I look like a pear on sticks. So trying this beautiful frock without the corset made me concerned it would look bad.
Just wow. Cindy got the zip done up with minimal effort; I reckon the issues I had were all down to position rather than bloating. And she did a lovely set of Victory Rolls with a long blonde wig, adding a flower I’d bought from Vivien of Holloway.
Pictured – article: accessorising your hair. Next to article: Are housewives too independent? We say yes. Ahh, 1950s newspaper articles, how wonderfully sexist….
It was beautiful. We added a petticoat to give the dress a bit more lift, and started taking photos.
Again, it was one of those moments when, after all the stress and anxiety of worrying about the session for weeks and the logistics of actually getting there, I felt like bursting into tears. I didn’t because, well, the makeup Cindy had done was exquisite, but it was a close thing.
What a wonderful dress, what a wonderful look. And this was the ‘warmup’ frock, the one we normally use to get into the mood. Good start, gorgeous looking Sarah.
2: Utterly gorgeous retro-style sleeveless shirt dress
Pictured – the pattern on this dress was so nice…
Oh my God, the pattern on this frock was sublime. It was a heavy fabric, like wearing a coat, but the fit was wonderful, even if the buttons up the front weren’t real which made for an amusing couple of minutes while myself and Cindy tried to work out how to open it (hint, a zip. The buttons were a lie).
Pictured – I love seeing Sarah’s genuine smile. It almost never appears on my drab face but put me in a gorgeous retro dress and styling and you can hardly get her to stop grinning.
We did a more modern hairstyle but if worked a treat. We’d put the corset on now but I was still on a high that we hadn’t needed it for the Grace and I hadn’t looked like two sausages sharing a single skin.
Pictured – plus that little slit was very sexy. Is it wrong to say that about yourself? Hell no, I paid for her frocks and makeover 😉
3: 1940s revisit with a lovely gift from Cindy
Pictured – another spoiler. This is by far my favourite look for Sarah *ever*. This is everything I want her to be, everything I want to be. Now pretend you haven’t read that and carry on.
When I was last at Cindy’s before this session she did her first go at a Victory Roll. I loved the style so much I asked her to get me one of the kits as well and when I showed up this time she had not only bought me the Victory Roll kit but also a retro head-scarf as well. And she gave it to me as a gift, which again almost had me in tears.
Anyway, I’d brought probably my favourite dress – a 1940s tea dress from Pretty Retro, blue with a lovely Tiki red flower pattern. This is the dress I went to the Wayout in last time (where an admirer asked me flat out for a blowjob – classy). This time I wanted a full retro look and bang, Cindy nailed it perfectly.
Pictured – *perfectly* 🙂
She did some Victory Rolls and combined them with the lovely headscarf she had bought me and it was perfect. I don’t use that term lightly, to me *this* is Sarah at her best, this is the look I’ve always wanted for her.
Pictured – Sarah and the genius who created her….
Plus, even though I’d promised myself no beer, I’d caved and Cindy had ordered a deliveroo for me that just brought beer. So I was a very happy girl for so many reason….
Pictured – Heaven. 40s frock, 40s hairstyle, 40s makeup. 21st Century BrewDog. When I pop my clogs, this is how eternity will be…..
4: Bit of a cheat – revisiting the housewife floral Kitty frock
Pictured – size 8 shoes, hence the slightly pensive look she has on her face 😉
I loved the hairstyle so much that we decided not to change it just yet and I chucked on an old Kitty that I had left at Cindy’s. This was the Kitty I used for the housewife shoot I did at the apartment, which was wonderful. When we did that we used a modern hairstyle (gasp, confession time, the *only* wig I own, I’m terrible).
Pictured – whereas this hairstyle? Drool…..
So we tried the Kitty using the same hairstyle Cindy had done for the glorious 1940s frock before. And it worked a treat again.
Pictured – I’m a sucker for a retro look and a retro pose. You may have picked this up so far…
5: The Bank Manager’s Wife *again*
Pictured – dammit, stop smiling Sarah, you’re meant to be a resentful blackmailed man forced into the role of wife for an evil Bank Manager. What do you mean you love the frock?
So, I’ve been doing a little dark fantasy about some of the looks I’ve done in the last five or six sessions, all around the idea of a man being blackmailed by his unscrupulous Bank Manager into being his wife. Yeah, it’s a bit of an archetype but it’s fun and no-one is getting hurt. Other than the man who is being forced to take the role of the Bank manager’s wife.
Pictured – that’s still almost a smile, Mrs. BankManager
Anyway, I digress. I had a frock from Lindy Bop which was nice, a retro style shirt dress, but after the sublime Vivien of Holloway and Pretty Retro frocks it wasn’t as, well, glam. So I thought it would be perfect for the Bank Manager’s wife.
It’s a bit mumsy, and combined with the wig we use for the Bank Manager’s wife, which I call the Jane Fonda because it looks so much like the hair she had in 9-to-5 it felt perfect to do the next set of ‘forced emasculation’. Problem was, I was on such a high from the other looks that I kinda forgot to look sullen and put upon. I smiled a lot.
Pictured – oh well, I’ll go with happy middle-aged wife then
Really fun frock….
6: Dealer’s Choice Number 1 – Peplum mini-dress and a posh jacket
Pictured – Dealer’s Choice or, you know, attractive woman….
So, by now I’d pretty much satiated my urge for pure retro and wanted to give Cindy a little fun and a chance to use her imagination. So, dealer’s choice it was.
She decided on a size 14 frock because she always does that. For some reason she think the 6ft 2in Frankenstein of a man will fit into the dainty and delicate frocks she likes. And dammit, she’s right.
Pictured – Size 22 man, size 14 frock, size 12 jacket.
See, I *love* Peplum dresses. It’s an Eighties thing – back then they had Peplum everything and it just stuck in my memory as something very feminine. This dress was gloriously floral and, even though it was four sizes or so too small, when Cindy combined it with the jacket, which was, sigh, size 12, the outfit clicked. Plus some gorgeous shoes as well.
Pictured – I know it’s sexist, but the woman in me goes SHOES!!!!!! when seeing this picture.
Not retro, but really nice. Hate to use the word sexy but, you know, sexy.
Pictured – you know a dress is just slightly too short when you unconsciously place your hand over where a male date would look for underwear….
7: Dealer’s Choice 2 – the return of Kitty Klaws
Pictured – Meow? Oh yes, meow…..
In case you haven’t read any of the other blog posts, Kitty Klaws is the persona that Sarah has that, err, myself and Cindy don’t have a huge amount of respect for. She’s been a prostitute, an escort, a porn star, all of those naughty career options that label a woman. We haven’t done a Kitty Klaws look for a while but Cindy’s second dealer’s choice involved a gorgeous animal print dress and some wonderfully kinky accessories.
This look involved a lovely wig as well, very heavy and voluminous. Cindy added a tiara shaped like cat ears and some thigh-high PVC boots. Ticks a lot of my naughty wants from when I was going through heavy metal puberty.
Pictured – yup, a lot of my unreachable puberty fantasies in a single photo. Which, given the fact it is me is not confusing at all. Cough.
Half way through Cindy had one of her smiles and popped out of the studio, coming back with a pair of really fun gloves. They were furry fingerless and worked a treat with the outfit. Plus they were so comfy when we finished this look Cindy put them on and kept them on for the rest of the shoot.
Pictured – too cute. 😉
I put one of these pictures up on Flickr with a little storyline that said that ‘after Kitty Klaws had retired from her long and deep (cough) career in the adult film industry, she started a Fetish Clothing chain called Kitten’s Kream’. Yeah, I have too much time and too much imagination when it comes to Sarah/Kitty.
Pictured – ‘Kitten’s Kream’. Sigh, bad Sarah….
8: Dealer’s Choice 3 – oh my word…….
Pictured – err, it looks like someone I’ve seen in something recently. Can’t put my finger on it…
Yeah. We finished on this and it pretty much blew my mind. It wasn’t intentional – we tried the red wig earlier and loved it, and this was the last shoot of the day. Cindy got a little leather dress out, we put on dress and the wig, added a pair of frighteningly fetishistic boots (I’d hate to get kicked by them, they were all studs and pointy bits), and when we were touching up the look, with Cindy doing her usual wonderful trick of flouncing the hair, we both thought the look looked, well, similar for some reason.
Now Cindy has put a new big mirror in her dressing room, and you walk past it to get to the studio where the pictures are taken. I tottered in front of it, stopped, and looked at the woman looking back at me.
Pictured – whoever she is, she looks happy in her leather minidress and fetish boots..
I’m also ashamed to say I swore as well as Cindy joined me for a look.
‘F*cking hell, it’s blood Scarlett Johansson!’ I said, not too subtly.
And it was. For some reason the combination of the red hair, the leather dress and the makeup, plus, perhaps, my face, and it looked a little like ScarJo. Sure, if ScarJo was a lot older, chunkier, and had a bit of testosterone in her veins, but still, it blew my mind.
Pictured – Scarlett with her mind blown….
We did a load of photos and got the giggles because every time I relaxed my face, did my ‘resting bitch look’ or just smiled we kept seeing Scarlett as Black Widow.
Bloody wonderful way to finish a bloody wonderful day.
Pictured – tell me it’s not just me that sees Scarlett Johansson??
And that was that, a single day’s session with some utterly wonderful looks, during which I forgot the pains I’d had for seven weeks because, to be honest, for ten or so hours I wasn’t him at all, I was her, and I was the best her I’d been for a long while.
I love Sarah. I love being Sarah. And somehow I think that love is something I need to tap into a lot more in this cold and sometime very depressing world we live in right now.
So stay beautiful, take the time to find the real you and spend some quality hours with her.
Pictured – you want to spend more time with me? Squee…..