Preparation H(ell)

I spent some time about twenty years ago living in Germany, a place I really love. I had a rented flat, a whole floor of a house that was owned by a nice elderly German couple. When I left the deal was I would tidy up and then return the keys – on the day I left the elderly German woman had a look around the flat and said one of the most profound things I’d heard in my entire life.

“Hmm, this is man-clean”.

An that sums up a lot of life. I’d worked really, really hard on getting the flat clean but was missing the magic woman-touch, according to the owner.

Anyway, the reason behind the story is that I am in the process of preparing for my next dressing session and I seriously, seriously, seriously have so much admiration for women right now.

Having a feminine body, or at least something that approximates to one that won’t look terrible when photo’d, is a serious piece of work. I’ve shaved. Three times. Not the face, because I have to wait until 4:00am in the morning of the day I go to do it due to the rampant testosterone that plays havoc with my internal girl.


I managed to slice my foot across the top trying to get that last werewolf hair. I feel utterly cold as all the bits of me that usually have a thin layer of heat-retaining fur are now bare and white. I then managed to sprain a muscle in my hand trying to reach that last tiny bit of shoulder hair.

But it gets funnier. I have a *tonne* of outfits, way too many to take to the sessions I have planned, and a suitcase that won’t take more than ten frocks. So I ended up sitting there like a vapid teenager trying to choose which of the fabulous dresses would go, and which would stay. I packed the bag four times, changing my mind, taking out a costume, adding a housewife frock, taking out a skirt, adding a blouse.

So now I’m sat watching the clock, outfits packed, arms and legs humming in that just shaved way.

But it’s all worth it. Because once the make-up is on, the body is subtly re-shaped, the nails are unfeasibly long, painted, and making every single move something that needs to be thought about (scratching your eye or picking your nose is an absolute no-no) and the frock is on all of the preparation is forgotten, and Sarah is back.

And if Sarah had a to clean a house, it would be woman-clean.

And back to watching the hours tick away…..

Stay beautiful you wonderful people.


3 thoughts on “Preparation H(ell)

  1. Oh you wonderful gal! You know that the prep work is all important in readiness for you Sarah time. Every stroke of the razor. Every nick of the skin brings you one step closer to allowing your inner, feminine self out into the world..
    You know how much all that effort and hard work will pay off once Sarah arrives.
    Keep up the hard work hun. Both of you are sooo worth it!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anticipation takes many forms, no ? I do so relate to the travails of shaving, reaching and twisting for those difficult spots. And also to self-monitoring what I do and how I do it — be delicate, a gentle turn of the head, etc.

    The landlady’s comment was insightful ! As a devotee of serving as a maid, whether ultra-sissified or in true retro working uniforms, and having had the pleasure of serving a number of women over the years, I’ve always feared that my work, minimal as it has been, would be considered no more than “man-clean”. So I have always taken pains to at least be aware of that, and to strive harder, and consider not only what needs doing but really how to do it. Sometimes successful, sometimes not, but that’s been part of the challenge and the joy, too.


  3. Funny story: I once had to rent a holiday flat for about five weeks and promised I would clean it. The owner laughed in my face, and sent in a cleaner anyway. They then phoned a day or two later: to apologise! Apparently their cleaner had truned up, pronounced the job done and charged nothing. The owner had gone in to check and had been so gobsmacked that they rang me from the flat to apologise for laughing.

    They never said ‘woman-clean’ but they came perilously close.

    No one knew I did the cleaning totally en-femme. I mean… huh.

    Sorry, a completely frivilous and pointless comment to your four year old post!

    Liked by 1 person

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