Obsession and Inhibition

And then the inevitable come down. It’s been two days since the last photo-shoot which was sublime and utterly enjoyable, and my hormones, or rather Sarah’s hormones, are all over the shop at the moment.

I suppose it’s a sign of obsession. I’ve put some short and very fun videos up on Flickr that really surprised me, because the girl I see in the videos is nothing like me. She’s fun, she smiles naturally, she flirts and yes, she’s sexy. It’s both sobering and exciting to see the mannerisms of Sarah caught on camera – she is so much fun and I’m immensely boring.

And it got me thinking of why. I like a bit of alcohol, which is an understatement, and there’s a period, brief, between glass number two and glass number five of red wine where the person I think I really am shows himself. With Sarah it seems that there’s no need for the alcohol – the minute the make-up is finished and she slowly opens her lash-heavy eyes, flipping the long hair from her forehead so she can see, and bang, happiness.

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You can see in her eyes the happiness and contentment, and that happiness is oddly missing when I stare at myself in the mirror when not Sarah.

And like the effect of alcohol dressing, letting Sarah out of her gilded cage lowers my/her inhibitions massively.

Hence the banana. The banana was a good idea and a lot of fun, but it was something that Sarah didn’t hesitate to try. I’m not going to skirt around it, she simulated oral sex with a piece of fruit, and it felt deliciously naughty.

So why do her inhibitions, or rather mine, evaporate when she’s completely enfemme? Is it the disguise? Is it the natural bounce back of someone who, due to natural gender and the choice of role, doesn’t have the ability to emote?

Either way it’s not something worth obsessing about. I’m just going to treat it as part of her, part of Sarah’s psyche. It may well be that all of things that he couldn’t or wouldn’t do are fair game for her.

But back to the come down – it’s always like this. The excitement and thrill of swishing around in frocks, posing, feeling her in all my atoms, fades and dissipates slowly. I can still smell the lipstick, feel the satin lining of the polka-dot dress, remember the tottering around on the black high heels I wore with the last outfit. And I want more.

So, a month to wait, then I’m going to do a session with proper false boobs, and then, the day after, I’m going to let Sarah go clubbing. I might have to tell her to behave a little šŸ™‚

Stay beautiful you lovely people.

And what the hell, it was only a banana. Delicious too…..

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