So, it’s past midnight, the day’s coffee is dancing around the inside of my head and preventing me from slipping off into whatever fever-like dreams my mind fancies enjoying tonight, so let’s address one of the issues that T-Gurls have – admirers.
I’m going to be honest. I’m heterosexual (*immediately* the readership of the blog drops by a third 🙂 ), I’ve had a grand total of three sexual partners in my entire life, because I’m a lover not a fighter, and I find the attention of admirers…..interesting.
But before we get into that little delicious dilemma, I want to chat about the Genus Admirus.
For a start, the terminology seems a little crass. I’d class myself as an admirer, I love looking at pictures of us trans and enjoying the beauty and the femininity of it all. But the term admirer seems to have somewhat of an unfair seediness. It would be nice if we lived in a society where someone’s choice of attraction wasn’t something that people can look down on.
I appreciate feminine beauty, regardless of the gender of the individual.
Reality time – not all admirers think like this. This blog is way too short to go into the multitude of different admirers, but I thought I’d share some of the interactions that Sarah has had.
At one end of the scale I had an admirer send me a number of emails and he was utterly polite. He talked about how beautiful Sarah was, how he admired her look, her style. He talked about her as a woman, which I found delightful. He mentioned he’d like to meet her and treat her to champagne and strawberries. That’s the kind of admirer I am. Plus champagne and strawberries, who can resist that?
At the other end of the scale, wow. I’ve had emails that came close to setting my computer on fire. Lots of questions around, err, gag reflexes. Oddly enough being hetero in drab-mode and completely happy in both personas means that I’m not offended by these kind of discussions, but it really shows the way the internet can focus certain attitudes. Plus the assumption that Sarah is, well, a slut makes me offended for her.
But being a devil’s advocate I’d point out that a number of my photos could be construed as erotica. And some of the descriptions on my Flickr photos can be sensual. I’m an author so I like to write stories, and I’m inspired by the looks and sexuality that Sarah has in her photos.
So, back to what I was saying at the start of the blog. I find the interaction with admirers interesting. I love the fact that they see Sarah as a woman, or at least as femininely attractive, and that’s a little erotic. Even odder as an admirer myself I find Sarah’s pictures erotic, which is deliciously odd in and of itself.
A very good friend of mine (who was trans) once said something wonderfully insightful to me about the whole trans scene, and that was “whatever happens between two consenting adults is completely acceptable”. And she was right.
Feels like I’m skating around the message of this blog, so I’ll cut to the chase. I like admirers as long as they respect boundaries. I’m happy to chat about Sarah as Sarah with anyone, and in return I’d like admirers to treat her the way they would treat someone they like.
Sarah is a woman, and as such she has feelings. Treat her as such and everything will be wonderful.
And to the admirer who asked if I could ‘bark like a bitch’ – welcome to the recycle bin 🙂
Stay beautiful sweeties.
transretrogurl 
Reblogged this on sometimes girl and commented:
i was going to do a post about this very topic, but sarah has done an excellent writeup, to which i have only a few things to add.
i actually think ‘admirers’ is the much more respectable term, versus the alternative ‘chasers’. i think both are out there. i’m ok with being admired, but i don’t like being chased. despite the fact that i consider myself bi, i’m a little uncomfortable with (non-tg) male attention in general, although i’ll admit i find it flattering. i don’t hold it against these guys, as long as they’re polite, it’s just ‘thanks, but no thanks’.
my ‘favorite’ come-on so far was from a gentleman in france, out of the blue: “tu es belle im very man ihave big cock”, to which i responded (in french): “umm, thank you? me too.” i’m not sure what response he was looking for, but i’m guessing that wasn’t it.
i just wish they would read the disclaimer i put on my flickr profile:
“PS male admirers: i welcome your non-creepy comments on my photos, and i am sincerely flattered by your interest. full disclosure, however, i am not interested in becoming a virtual girlfriend, chatting via im, skype, etc., meeting you, or hooking up, and i am definitely not interested in being anyone’s servant.”
and for the love of god, stop saying “mmmmmmmmm”!
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hope you don’t mind the reblog! i was going to do a post on this, but you wrote it up so well that i had to steal it (with attribution of course) 😉
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Sarah,
Since I’m a methodical and linear lass, I cannot help but start reading you blog from the beginning (although I’m several years behind at the moment). First I agree with Summer Renae, your writing is candid, engaging and joyfully readable. Thank you. Second, while reading you blog, comments constantly seem to try and escape my head, but my fingers have not cooperated until now. This topic has me flummoxed.
I too find femininity attractive, regardless of the gender or sexuality of the subject party. I draw the line with species however… feminine non-humans hold absolutely no fascination for me. I suppose in that respect, I’m an admirer. But, as someone relatively new to social media, (54 years young) I must say I’m shocked… strike that… disappointed, in the social graces exhibited by most of my ‘admirers’. As you have said, there is a range of responses, in a range of languages, each with varying degrees of cultural baggage. But why do men have to be so bloody uncouth and graphic? I am flattered and yet scared to death to respond to that kind of treatment! I too enjoy being called beautiful, doll, and the like. But wonder at the same time if I will be stalked by the man who just sent me live pictures of himself – yikes!(unrequested) because he assumed me my innocent response to his DM was acceptance of his come-on.
I suppose the only thing for it is to deal with the variety as it comes, one interaction at a time. I have a great appreciation for the patience women have with gits like that. I suppose it begs the question, have I ever been ‘that guy’?
All that to say, I hear ya sister!
I’m a fan.
K
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Well said! I too have considered doing a similar post but have been unable to find the words (haven’t looked under the bed so I may try when I get home) X
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Hi Sarah ,
Admirers ? Well it’s a bit early for me as I have none as of yet 😂
Would I like any ……….HELL YES!! The need to be appreciated or wanted excites me but also seems dangerous and scary at the same time .
Like you though I would hope they look at me and admire my femininity. I would also hope that they respect my boundaries.
Time will tell
Lara-Lilly x
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