transretrogurl

Been a bit serious lately; I tend to spasm between dancing through the grass in a frilly flowery dress picking buttercups and swooning over the latest male crush (metaphorically, bear with me, in a bit of a florid prose mode this morning) and doing the Winona Rider Beetlejuice Daughter schtick, all doom, gloom and gorgeous gothic black dresses, but I’ve been tending towards the cross-dressed Eeyore a bit too much. So something completely light and fun this time, and I did promise a two-fer when I had my last little goth-epiphany so I owe you, dear reader, a little light entertainment.

A lot of the looks I go for tend towards the domesticated Goddess, be it 1960’s, 1970’s or whatever era. One of the online shops I frequent a lot is Unique Vintage, a US based fashion house that tend to do a lot of the Americana 1950’s styles that didn’t really make it over here, and it’s a lot of fun to dress-up and roleplay those 1950’s women, without the being shackled to an oven/child/loveless marriage of course.

So I thought I’d pop back into the archives and, letting my author out a little, create some kinky little back-stories for the assorted women in question who pop out of the photos.

Contestant Number 1: Mrs. Barbara ‘Honey’ Hershey from Illinois

Barbara, or ‘Honey’ as her husband calls her, studied Home Economics at college so she’d make a perfect home-maker. Her and her husband, Gary, have yet to have children but would like at least three. In their spare time they like to travel, although Barbara has a part time job babysitting which makes her want children even more. When asked ‘where she would like to be in five years’ Barbara said ‘you’ll have to ask my husband, he makes all the decisions’.

Contestant Number 2: Mrs. Betty ‘Gossip’ Bercowitz from New York

Betty is a full-time mom, part-time receptionist, working at her husband’s accounting firm on the lower East side. Her husband, Ron, calls her ‘gossip’, in a nice way of course, because she never stops talking about the women she works with in the office. Secretly he thinks she’s a bit of an air-head, but with that caboose to make up for it she’s always be his number one gal.

Contestant Number 3: Mrs. Patricia ‘Patsy’ Long of Dallas

Sponsored by Tampax, The Choice for Today’s American Woman’, Patsy is a spitfire go-getter wife to Thomas, who works for the Tampax Corporation. When not modelling for the latest adverts Patsy is an award-winning gardener who also works in the community and campaigns for her local Senator. You’ll find her handing out buttons and flags at all the major events. Go Patsy! Got to love a girl with political spunk.

Contestant Number 4: Mrs. Nancy ‘Ditzy’ Dobson from Seattle

“My wife is such a card,” says husband Charles, “I swear she’d forget her apron if I didn’t tie it on her every morning”. Nancy is a whizz in the kitchen, spending most of her time whipping up new recipes and cakes for her husband to sample when he comes home from work. Her two children are both very active in the Girl Scouts of the USA and Nancy is always one of the most productive cookie bakers. Nancy says she is looking forward to retiring to Florida and watching sunsets with Charles.

Contestant Number 5: Mrs. Kathleen ‘Bubbles’ Carson of San Diego

When asked to describe his wife’s best features, husband Gary piles praise on his spouse with “She’s just the best, such a card. She makes me smile every day, always lights up the room when she walks in. It’s why I call her ‘bubbles’, she is so, well, bubbly”. Gary and Kathleen have no children but would like at least two. “One of each!” according to ‘Bubbles’.

Contestant Number 6: Mrs. Susan ‘Mommy’ Schultz of Michigan

William and Susan are devoted Catholics and have a large family, seven children so far (with one on the way!). William says of his wife “she’s just the best, born to be a mother. She’s so caring and understanding, even I call her Mommy!”. Susan gave up a career as a shop assistant to focus on bringing up the babies. “They are my life” she told us as she picked up the toys scattered around their lovely four bedroom home.

Contestant Number 7: Ms. Deborah ‘Call me Mizz’ Beckett-Hodgson of Chicago

Deborah ‘don’t call me Debbie’ and her husband James are both lawyers and she’s quite the spirited gal. “She wanted to keep her name when we married” says James, “and likes to be referred to as Mizz as opposed to Mrs.”. Well, that sounds a little modern for our liking, James, but we guess you wear the trousers in the relationship. The couple have no children and no plan to. Let’s see how long that lasts, eh viewers?

I can’t really work out whether I have too many dresses or too much time to think about them….

Stay beautiful and let your imagination have a day out now and again, it’s entertainingly fun.