transretrogurl

Going to admit it. I’m bored AND I’m going up the wall, which is an interesting (i.e. not interesting) new side-effect of the ongoing pandemic/government reaction/cessation of basic human rights* (* delete as applicable depending on your level of insanity during this period). The plus side is that I’ve had to be more creative in my use of my vast library of Sarah than I would be in normal times, when, when I get an urge, I can pop into London and scratch the itch.

‘Course, can’t do that at the moment due to the extreme lockdown; the good news, at least from a UK perspective, is that the lockdown in combination with the start of the vaccination process is making an impact on the figures (the infections, deaths and R to be precise). The government is basing its responses on these figures completely, and as such when they come down we get a little bit of freedom back. I’m not going to pretend I’m anywhere near right or good at the moment; in fact the last two weeks have been one long numb ‘wake up and want to scream into my pillow until I go back to sleep’, and I’m also doing excessive exercise; last Thursday I walked a marathon because the power went out, today I walked 21 miles and had to give up because my feet are pretty much just raw lumps of pain. But we all have to deal with this situation as best we can; I’ve subsumed my urges and fun and hopefully, when we get out of this, I’ll be able to start feeling again.

So, in the short term, I find myself stretching the imagination to just make me feel a bit of a thrill and some fun, and I’m lucky to have 16k worth of various outfits and poses of my alter-ego Sarah, who seems a much happier and rounded individual as the numb idiot I’m dealing with at the moment.

Anyway.

I spent an hour or so yesterday going through the archives and picking a set of pictures of women who were different aspects of Sarah, and combining them in single photos and coming up with a story to describe the two different women in each of them. It was fun and also it reminded me of the power of makeup and Cindy’s sublime skills in pulling out a set of different women from this jaded, cynical, soon to be 52 years old drab male.

So, enough lamenting, lets get on with the fun…..

1; The Adult Entertainment Actress and the Loving Grandmother

What a way to start this; the ‘tits and teeth’ Adult Film actress and ‘Nanna’ waiting for her grandchildren to visit.

The woman on the left is squeezed into tight lingerie, the patented large hoop earrings that double as handles for her co-stars to hold on to during the O parts of the film, and the practised and soulless look of a woman who has spent too much time using her body to make a living. Meanwhile the woman on the right is wearing one of those ‘favourite’ dresses mature ladies seem to favour; I can see her out for an early meal with her husband, a gray-haired older gentleman who is obviously still very much in love with his wife of twenty years. They’d talk about maybe going on a cruise, what to buy the grand children for Christmas, the Bridge evening they’ve organised with the other older couples they socialise with.

As I said, the imagination is going a little wild at the moment…..

2: The Working Woman and the Spoilt Footballer’s wife

I love the uniform on the woman on the left; it’s a Unique Vintage swing dress that was Coca-Cola branded and, combined with a cute little apron, it made the perfect working diner uniform. On the right was a 1980’s style office dress I got from Amazon, but when we combined it with the sunglasses and excessive jewellery the ‘bitch’ appeared; it was way too easy to slip into a spoilt-girl attitude which was a lot of fun given it’s just the kind of woman that annoys me in real-life. Way too easy to channel my inner WAG….

3: The reluctant mother-to-be and the gothic club chick

I love the equal and opposite imagery here; the woman on the left is still exuding a touch of stylishness even though her body is now showing the result of a night of unprotected passion (and pink is such a darling colour for a mum-to-be). On the right is a woman who knows what the men want in the club, PVC is such a rush when it’s so tight; you feel like it’s a second skin…

4: The Innocent Child and the Not So Innocent Woman

Yeah, the ‘little girl’ look is a little on the dodgy side, but that dress just lent itself to bows and innocent looks. It was very cute and it’s hard to describe how it makes you feel; there’s a degree of vulnerability that makes it easy to channel the ‘girl’ vibe; age play can be fun. On the lingerie side that’s a Kitty Klaws look, my pornstar alter-ego that I go back to when I’m feeling particularly sexually unsatisfied. I like to imagine Kitty has a very healthy sex life (protected of course…)

5: The Career Girls – submissive and dominant in phallo-centric situations

The woman on the left is used to bringing drinks to men, the lecherous looks and wandering hands a side-effect of the 1970’s PlayBoy Mansion lifestyle and she un-ironically sees it as normal. The woman on the right is used to holding her own in a male-centric environment; she dresses to combine power and femininity in that lovely way that successful career women do; enough sexuality to keep the men interested but obviously career-focussed. Whereas the BunnyGirl’s career options are, well, limited…

6: More opposite career choices – the home-maker and the media-savvy reporter

The woman on the left had a lot fewer options for a career choice; the 1950’s American society saw women as pretty appliances for the home of the future. Whereas the woman on the right works for a mid-range newspaper, back when newspapers were a thing. Yeah, she ends up doing the reports on fashion shows, Miss World and ‘interest stories’, but she’s still a reporter.

7: More Office Opposites; the new intern and the established head of PR at the same firm

For the next couple of years the girl on the left will be fetching coffee for the executive meetings that the woman on the right will be leading; she will look up to the older woman as a role-model on how to get ahead in the company but will eventually go back to college to further her education, whereas Ms.Executive will eventually retire to a huge house empty of people but full of cats.

8: The Innocent and the Esoteric

The Lovers card will make the innocent young woman go away from the reading happy and content, although the Tarot reader gets tired of the same romantic questions over and over again. Still, the money is good for readings and it’s always lovely to see a querent leave with a smile and a touch of happiness.

9; Different Girls, Different Evenings

By the end of the evening the woman on the left will be tucked up in her pink quilt with Teddy, on the phone and playing ‘no, you hang up’ with her smitten boyfriend. For the woman on the right her feet will be aching as she hails a cab and jumps in with the strapping, drunk man who danced close to her in the last club and sees her as a conquest he can boast about to his work colleagues the next day, using the word Cougar a lot…

10 The ‘Help’ and the Hostess

“Do you mind if I call you Diana?”

“Yes, madam.”

“Good. My husband will be back from the wine store in a second with the champagne. Can you make sure that you have a tray of drinks ready for 19:30 when the guests arrive, and make sure that everyone has topped up glasses?”

“As you wish, madam. Should I serve the Salmon bits at the same time?”

“Yes, and please make sure the tray is full. Husband and his male friends tend to go through those very quickly. Now excuse me, I need to check my stockings for runs, these vintage ones tear a little too easily.”

See what I mean? The imagination is running riot; it’s a lot of fun to throw together my various personas and see what comes out.

Anyway, back to lockdown. I hope the picture show cheered you up as much as I had fun writing it.

Stay beautiful and remember this will come to an end; and when it does, like when the Spanish Fly burnt itself out, we will have another roaring twenties. Nothing encourages embracing life more than surviving a pandemic. The parties will be….epic.