If you want to know what kind of girl a man is attracted to make him pick out some clothes and a makeup style. And then make him wear them.
I never saw myself as a blonde but in one of my first photoshoots I tried a blonde wig with fashionable roots, combined with a pink wiggle-dress, f*ck-me pink heels and a touch of over-the-top makeup. It was kind of a fun choice, just to see what it looked like.
And when I saw myself in the mirror I felt a stirring 🙂
It was a seriously odd moment. I saw a girl in the mirror that I see a lot – I work in London and any bar after work is full of them. Self-confident, stunning and absolutely and utterly out of my league. I found it really hard to rationalise that the girl I saw in the mirror was actually me – she looked nothing like me, she seemed to exude a confidence that I don’t have or want, and more worryingly she oozed sexuality.
So this post is more about what on earth that confusion was from. It was a delicious feeling, but it really raised some awkward internal questions.
Firstly, I found myself attracted to her on a physical level. The lizard part of my brain saw her as a potential sexual partner. Not confusing at all </irony>
Secondly I resented her a little. She looked like the kind of girl who succeeds based on her looks rather than her skills. Again, huh?
Finally I realised that I had completely abstracted her from me, and that was one of those wonderful epiphany moments. To me, seeing her, she was one of the opposite sex.
Now this is starting to sound a tad odd, but it explains a lot. Sarah is the person I can never be, and as such I can and do dis-associate from her.
The dress was another Lindy Bop creation. It was a 40s workwear inspired style, and was lovely to wear. I could really see myself tottering on my heels into a posh office in the square mile, texting a boyfriend while I queued for my skinny latte in the coffee shop, window shopping in Mayfair.
One can dream…..
Stay beautiful, sweeties….
transretrogurl 
oh, i can definitely understand – and empathize with – the attraction, and i can see where the resentment might come from. i wonder if it is easier for you to disassociate yourself from her because you go through such an amazing and thorough transformation, and because you have such limited time to be her. in some ways, i wish i were more of a separate person en femme (especially when it comes to certain physical attributes!), but my feminine persona is really just me in an alternate mode. i sometimes have to fight to /not/ see myself in the mirror. i’m not trying to be a guy in a dress; i’m trying to look, act, think, move, and talk like a woman, but ultimately, that woman is me, and i am her.
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Oddly enough I find the same thing with the pictures – I have to squint to not see me in them, but when dressed and looking in a mirror I’m absent. You’re right in that it helps (a lot!) to have a fantastic dressing-service/expert make-up person, but the other thing for me is that I always have stubble as a bloke, and only ever see a clean shaven face when it is Sarah, so there’s a vast difference. Doesn’t quite explain the physical attraction though, that might be just rampant hormones 🙂
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You are so utterly fabulous and beautifully perfect – a wonderful woman. XXXXX
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